Life Without Father
by backstagespotlight
Summary: Future AU- Married Caskett meet with a tragedy, leaving Alexis alone to raise their two young daughters. A series of semi-chronological one shots as the Castle girls grow up.
1. Chapter 1

AN- A little background before we begin. This is a new kind of journey for me. This story has been begging to be written for almost two years, but, while the version in my head is pretty detailed, it spans many years and I just can't cover that many years with the kind of detail that demands. So it will be a series of mostly sequential one-shots detailing the lives of Alexis Castle and her two little half-sisters, Johanna Joy and Beckett Nichole.  
Disclaimer:: I own nothing recognizable.

* * *

Alexis smiled adoringly as she covered up her already sleepy little sister. Johanna Joy yawned sweetly and bunched a fist under her chin.

"Night, Lexie," she said.

"Night, night, JoJo," Alexis returned. She switched on the princess nightlight and white noise machine that kept the overly active middle Castle daughter in bed until she fell asleep. She shut the door and tiptoed down the hall until she reached the kitchen. Her dinner still sat on the table, practically untouched after Johanna's temper tantrum over her peas and mashed potatoes touching. Alexis placed the plate in the microwave and moved the dishes to the sink before going to the closet for a stepstool to clean the food from the ceiling. As she did so, her phone and littlest sister screamed for her attention simultaneously. With a sigh she descended, grabbing the phone as she made her way to her baby sister's room.

"Hello?" she said, setting the phone on the changing table as she lifted Beckett Nicole from the crib.

"Bad time, Lex?" Kate asked. At the sound of her mother's voice, the two-month-old calmed a little.

"Not really," Alexis said, laying Becka on the changing table, "Just a wet diaper. Nothing a good big sister can't take care of."

"Good thing Becka's got a great big sister. Thanks again for watching them on your fall break." Alexis tickled Becka's foot as she pulled off the dirty diaper. The sudden publicity trip to LA had been forced on her father and Kate at the last minute. Alexis knew that both parents were reluctant to leave their youngest daughter, but had decided it would be easier for all if Beckett stayed on her "schedule." The trip was, after all, only going to be three days long.

"Really, Kate, I love it," Alexis insisted, "Anything to get away from that room for a weekend. Being able to tell Marnie I can't hang out because I have previous plans helps too. She's so obsessed with trying to get tickets to the movie premiere, it's almost pathetic." Kate chuckled a little, but knew that Alexis wasn't kidding. Her roommate was the world's creepiest Richard Castle fan. It was so bad that she had a life-size cut-out of him in their dorm room. Marnie was, however, a bit clueless, never having matched her roommate's name to that of her idol. Alexis felt no need to correct the oversight.

"Did Johanna give you any trouble today?" Kate asked.

"A little, but nothing more than being an exhausted toddler," Alexis assured her stepmom, "She just went down or I'd let you talk to her."

Kate assured her it was fine and passed the phone to Rick so he could talk to his oldest daughter.

"Dad, can you swing an extra ticket to the premiere tomorrow?" she asked.

"Finally decide to have pity on the roommate?" he asked.

"Still debating. But I'd like to have the option open just in case."

"Sure thing, Kiddo. For the record, though, you'd pretty much be making her dreams come true."

Alexis sighed as she snapped Becka's onsie in place. She picked up her baby sister and smiled.

"I know, Dad," she said, "but this was supposed to be a really special night for J.D. and me. He's got dinner reservations and Tacy's been designing my dress for weeks." Alexis paused, then shook her head. She sighed again, this time adding a small growl onto the end.

"You can't be selfish, can you?" he chuckled, "Somehow, despite my influence, you have a heart of gold."

"It must be Kate's doing," Alexis teased, pacing the floor and dancing a bit with Beka. The infant settled in her big sister's arms and gave a small sigh as she drifted back to sleep.

"Gotta go, Dad," Alexis said.

"Call your roommate, Pumpkin," he instructed, "I'll have someone deliver the ticket tomorrow."

"Thanks."

* * *

The next night, Alexis stood on the red carpet between her fiancé and her roommate, waiting for her father and Kate to arrive. A black car pulled up and the driver exited in a hurry. Alexis felt her heart drop as she took in Kevin Ryan's disheveled appearance. The typically dapper detective was dressed in his shirtsleeves, with only one cufflink fastened and an untied bowtie around his neck. His hair showed signs that his hand had been run through it several times, and his eyes were red-rimmed. Alexis stepped toward him, but hadn't gotten far before her heel caught on the hem of her aquamarine evening gown. She couldn't find the energy nor the motivation to stand, so she stayed on the ground, weeping, as the world spun out of control.


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm so so sorry! A couple people pointed out to me that I made absolutely no sense. I didn't tell you anything about Rick and Kate. The story has been kicking around my head for two years and the basic plot premise even longer. Sometimes I forget that not everyone knows the plot like I do. Here's a new chapter two, I know it's really short, but hopefully it clears up a few things!_

Alexis stood in the precinct, Beckett asleep across one arm, staring as the officers took down the board, piece by piece. Maps, flight plans, photos and transmission transcripts were all carefully folded and filed. It had been three weeks since the plane carrying Richard and Kate Castle, among others, had vanished into the air space above the Rocky Mountains. It was far beyond the jurisdiction of the 12th precinct, but nothing that happened to one of their own was ever taken lightly. The entire building had followed the case, stopping by at all hours of the night to update the board with new information gleaned from FBI NTSB and FAA contacts. The board had become as much a part of the precinct as the coffee maker her father had bought all those years ago.

Summer, however, had struck with a vengeance, and a string of murders required the re-purposing even of the shrine that had formed. Alexis had stopped by with a message from Jenny and found herself staring, transfixed, as the last tangible connection to a hope of her father's return seemed to flicker like a candle in an evening breeze. She would have cried, had there been even a single tear left in her reserve, but they'd all been shed, leaving Alexis feeling blank and empty.

Someone walked up behind her and she recognized Esposito as much by the feeling of comfort that washed over her as by anything else.

"Just because they're doing that doesn't mean we're not still searching," he assured her. She turned to look at him and he nodded down to his desk. He slid open a drawer and Alexis was stunned to see that it had been emptied, save for a large photo of the board lining the bottom.

"The Captain had them made for all of us," Javier said, nodding around the room.

"Kate and your dad, they're our people. And we don't ever give up on our people."


	3. Chapter 3

_**This is what used to be chapter 2. There's now a filler chapter that explains things better than this chapter did. **_

_Thanks for the responses I received to the first chapter of this story. It's a little out there, even for me, but it has been one of those plot lines that will never let me go! The first three chapters are going to be really sad, then things will get uber-fluffy. _

Unlike the public vigil that had been held the night before for his missing daughter and son-in-law, Jim Beckett's funeral was a small, private affair. His colleagues, his daughter's colleagues and his three granddaughters were the only people in attendance. Hymns were sung, words were spoken, but Alexis heard nothing but the sound of her own heart beating in her ears. With her grandmother still off gallivanting around the world, and her fiancé pulling further and further away, her adopted grandfather had been her rock in the tempest of her life. He'd moved into the loft with her to help care for the little girls, watching them while she attended classes, needing the normalcy of college life to maintain some semblance of sanity.

There was a tragic irony in the fact that Jim had lost his life to a drunk driver. After the loss of his wife, he'd nearly given up his life to alcohol. Now, just three weeks after the disappearance and presumed death of his daughter, alcohol had taken his life again, this time much more permanently.

Jim's coffin was lowered into the ground next to Johanna Beckett's. Little Johanna Castle solemnly tossed a rose in after it, skipping slowly back to her big sister's side.

Beckett slumbered on in Alexis's arms, oblivious to the ache her tiny, innocent face was causing in the heart her cheek was resting against. This beautiful little person had already spent nearly a third of her life fatherless. Now she was losing yet another male figure in her life.

Johanna tugged at Alexis's skirt, looked her in the eye and yawned. Alexis chuckled and reached down to ruffle the little girl's hair.

"Go park?" Johanna asked. The park was the last place Alexis felt like going today, but she understood the need for Jo to run off some energy. She stopped and waited for Ryan to catch up.

"Could Jenny bring the girls to the loft?" Alexis asked, "We need some time in the sunlight today." The Irish detective nodded, then pulled her into a hug. He placed a fatherly kiss on the side of her head.

"We'll get through this together," he assured her. Alexis nodded, biting her lip to stop the tears from flowing.

Ryan carried Johanna to the car while Esposito ran interference with the photographers who had shown up to follow the latest tragic twist in the dramatic saga that had captured the city.

Jenny was at the loft when the Castles arrived. Three year old Scout smiled when she saw her best friend, grabbing Johanna's hand and pulling her up the stairs. Ryan followed the girls, assuring Alexis he'd get her sister into play clothes. Jenny took Beckett from Alexis, then shooed her up the stairs so she could change as well.

Alexis sent a quick text to JD before she changed, asking him if he could meet them at the park. He'd told her he had meetings that morning, citing them as the reason he'd miss the funeral, but it was approaching 3 in the afternoon and she really needed a hug from him. The calendar on her wall had one day marked with a heart, and now the cheerful colors and smiles she'd doodled around her wedding date seemed incongruous with the solemnity of her current situation. He'd offered to put off the ceremony, but all the chaos that would create overwhelmed Alexis, so she'd refused.

When Alexis descended the stairs moments later, she chuckled at the sight. Dark haired Johanna stood between the two little blond Ryan girls. The two older girls were playing peek-a-boo with one year old Megan Rose whose laughter was ringing around the apartment.

The group walked to their favorite park and spent a joyful afternoon in the sun. Dinnertime came and no one felt like leaving, so Ryan called for takeout and they picnicked under a tree.

Slowly, the girls' energy began to fade. Megan fell first, curling up in Ryan's lap. Scout was next, crashing next to her mother. Alexis called to Johanna, who was still swinging on her belly. She didn't respond. Alexis rushed over to the swing only to find that her little sister was also asleep. She smiled and picked up Johanna, balancing her on one arm so she could carry the infant seat as well.

The Ryans walked the Castle girls home, parting ways outside the building. Alexis enlisted the doorman to help get the girls upstairs. She tucked them each into their beds, placing whisper-soft kisses on each forehead.

Alexis tiptoed down the hall to her own room and collapsed on the bed. She didn't feel like bothering to change out of her clothes but she did empty her pockets onto the bedside table. As she set down her phone she checked for new messages.

There were none.

There hadn't been any all afternoon.


	4. Chapter 4

_Last sad chapter for a while, I promise. _

_Also, someone commented that I should either have them come back or have them be dead, because having them miss too much of the girls' lives is too sad. All I can say is, stick with me, I'll do my best._

_One last thing, one of my characters spontaneously re-invented himself and popped into this chapter unexpectedly. I'm not sure what that means for the storyline I had in mind, but I'm excited to see where this takes us._

* * *

Alexis sat down across the table from JD. It was clear he'd been there a while, and, for the first time, Alexis felt guilty for making him wait.

"Jenny was late," she apologized, "Then Jo threw a fit and wouldn't let go of me."

JD nodded, not truly listening.

They ordered their meals and made polite conversation while they ate, but something felt off. The carefree, lighthearted banter that usually peppered their conversation was glaringly absent. In its place were forced giggles and rueful smiles. As the waiter carried their dirty plates and dessert orders back to the kitchen, JD spoke up.

"We need to talk about what to do with your sisters," he said, reaching for her hand. Alexis cocked her head, confused.

"I thought I told you," she answered, "Kevin and Jenny will take them while we're on our honeymoon. We were already planning to be back for Christmas."

"I don't mean during the honeymoon," he said, "I mean after the honeymoon." Alexis was taken aback. She'd never considered any option other than taking care of her sisters until their parents were found.

"Lex, it's been nearly five weeks. You have to start to accept that your father and Kate aren't coming back. Those girls need a long term home. They need people who are ready to be parents. That's not us. I'm just getting used to running the store. You've still got years of medical school and then being a doctor is no picnic. There's just no room for kids in our plans."

Alexis sat, stunned, and stared at him. How could she not have seen how selfish he was? Had her dad seen it? Had Kate? Both had been slightly reserved about the wedding, supportive, but not nearly as excited as they could have been. At that moment, her decision was made. She pulled her hand from his, slid the ring from her finger and smashed it into the dessert which had just arrived.

"If you can't change your almighty plans for the sake of those sweet little girls who are all but alone in this world, then you don't deserve to be in their lives. And since I plan on being a huge part of their lives from here on out, I guess that means that you don't get to be in my life either." Tears streamed down Alexis's face as she turned and walked from the restaurant, head held high.

* * *

Alexis couldn't bring herself to go home, so she had the cabbie take her to a bar. She slipped through the door into the dim interior and slid into a seat at the end of the bar. The bartender set a mug in front of her, digging under the counter for the tea bags and starting a pot of hot water. She smiled wearily up at him, her eyes still red and puffy. He smiled back, walked out from behind the counter and over to the photograph of her father. He reached behind it and retrieved a set of keys.

"Looks like you need the space," he said, pressing the keys into her palm, "I'll bring the tea down when it's ready. Do you need me to call anyone?"

At first, Alexis shook her head, then she reconsidered.

"If you could call Lanie Parish, that would be nice," she said, her voice harsh. He turned to do as she asked, and she headed for the basement office.

"Hey, Macks!" she called back. He turned, a strand of blonde hair falling in front of blue eyes.

"Thanks!"

* * *

Lanie arrived 20 minutes later and immediately hugged Alexis. The redhead relaxed in the smaller woman's embrace, tears flowing freely once more. They remained like that for a moment, before Alexis pulled back, took a shuddering breath and began her story.

When she'd finished her narrative, Lanie was furious. She was ready to sic both Javi and Kevin on the "low-life baby-hating bottom-feeding self-centered scum" Instead, Alexis redirected her energy toward the list of things that needed to be cancelled in the next week. As Lanie rattled off her list, Alexis felt her eyelids drooping. Soon, she was sound asleep.

* * *

She woke in her own bedroom with Johanna, Scout and Megan Rose staring at her. All three giggled when she opened her eyes then shut them again. Scout was tall enough to pull herself up onto the bed, and she tried to help Johanna, but Alexis stepped in and lifted both younger girls up. There were hugs and more giggles all around as the girls jumped around on the bed. Johanna grabbed her big sister's hands for stability as she jumped around. Suddenly, she stopped and stared.

"No sparkle," she pouted, pointing to the empty fourth finger on Alexis's left hand.

"Nope," Alexis said, "No more ring."

"Why?" the question was accompanied by that adorable head tilt which reminded everyone that Johanna was Kate Beckett's daughter.

"JD and I decided we're not getting married," Alexis replied.

"Okay." With that simple answer and a sweet smile, Johanna settled any and all doubts remaining in Alexis's mind.


End file.
